Wednesday, January 25, 2006


Well, we got called again for a three year old -- girl this time. But I was out at the store and at the YMCA, so I missed the call. This one hit harder. I just finished crying. It's been about 45 minutes. Talking to my friend and my mother helped. Not so much help from the husband. He can wait a long time before he'll miss out on having kids. I wish he was more supportive. I have been waiting for SIX LONG YEARS and this just seemed cruel.

Through this, though, I know that God intends to bring a boy into our lives and that this child was not meant for us. He definitely is reassuring us of His control over the situation. The placement coordinator said she placed five kids this week. FIVE! And why weren't we called? I guess none fit our criteria. Maybe it will continue to be a busy week. Rest assured, I won't be going out without my cell phone again until that call finally does come through.

To be continued....

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

In Between Again

So, the little guy left after being with us for ten days. I gave myself one day to be sad and cry a little bit. But it was just a couple days before Christmas, and much needed to be done, which I think made it a little easier.

I'm now back to the weird roller coaster of one day feeling really empty at the thought of not having a little guy around the house and the next day feeling like maybe it's not so bad to never have a kid again. I'm thinking that last part may just be a defense mechanism, but it sure helps in foster parenting sometimes!

We did get a call last Friday for a little boy, but I think it was just for respite. I was in the shower, and by the time I got out and called the agency back, he had been placed. I was a little sad. But my husband reminded me of how much we had to get accomplished over the weekend. And the more we get done on the house now the more time we'll have to just live life with our family in the future.

Our foster daughter turned fifteen last week. She's definitely over the honeymoon phase and is not feeling uncomfortable living here. She leaves her stuff here and there, which is driving my husband crazy. But we sat down and had our "three month review" family meeting last night and set up some guidelines for things like the bathroom, homework, and computer usage. Just now she's upset with me for not letting her go to the wrestling game at school tonight. She asked me last minute, when I went to pick her up for the basketball game she had been cheering for. That's never a good idea! Anyway, I rarely say no to her, so I think it's okay for her to hear it now and then. She cried all the way home and told me how bad her life is and how "freakin unfair" I was being. Oh well. She'll survive. Having a tough skin on matters like this also helps. I'm not one to change my mind once I've made a decision, and storming around doesn't help your case, dear. Dealing with disappointment is something we all have to do with, and I don't think it's going to kill her to have that lesson once in awhile. Don't get me wrong. I'm not heartless. I did feel bad. But I'm not going to let it ruin MY day!

Happy New Year to all. Til the next entry...