Well, peace has come over the past couple of weeks with what lies ahead. I have come to acknowledge that the law will likely favor placing the Little Guy with biological family, regardless of the situation. And I have also learned a bit about my role as mother. And I can honestly say that when all is said and done, I will be okay whether this Guy stays or goes. I am glad to have this transition time, and still think it will be awhile until an official decision is made. In the meantime, it's good to know that I can go either way.
Foster parenting has been such a blessing. I have the opportunity to mother many. I get to experience what it is like to raise all sorts of kids, and be a part of their stories. Sure, there are pitfalls, roller coaster dips and climbs. But in the long run, it's quite a ride.
I appreciate the time I have with the kids I have. I know that there will be some I can "keep" and some that are merely passing through. When it comes down to it, they're all on loan from a Father who prizes my worth as His child more than He does as a Mother. I need to remember that, as it is my most important identity!
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Monday, September 18, 2006
COURT
Well, court went better than I could have anticipated last Friday. One parent (along with the corresponding lawyer) didn't show up. The other parent was late and THAT lawyer had sent another to represent, as he had just lost a murder case the day before.
We went in with a proactive approach. The caseworker presented the evidence of improvement since this placement began in April. Then she went on to say while she was concerned about the kinship placement, we were going to start evaluations and services as soon as possible. The judge, nor the lawyer, pressed for much further details.
I still think the kinship placement doesn't know what they're getting themselves into with this little guy. He's a handful, and then some. But...time will tell what happens. At least we've bought a little more time, which I think will be helpful.
We went to the "remedial" gymnastics class on Saturday morning, since we kind of got asked not to return to the regular class until we can be a part of the group. He really likes going. I think that my husband and I will alternate attending with him, as it's not the most fun I have ever had. We won't be able to go this weekend, since we have a foster parent training (if you're reading this and know us and would be interested in babysitting -- let me know; we're still stuck there).
Anyway, things are back to "normal" and we will continue to work with him on whatever we can in hopes that we will be able to impact his development as much as possible for the time we have him. So that's that!
We went in with a proactive approach. The caseworker presented the evidence of improvement since this placement began in April. Then she went on to say while she was concerned about the kinship placement, we were going to start evaluations and services as soon as possible. The judge, nor the lawyer, pressed for much further details.
I still think the kinship placement doesn't know what they're getting themselves into with this little guy. He's a handful, and then some. But...time will tell what happens. At least we've bought a little more time, which I think will be helpful.
We went to the "remedial" gymnastics class on Saturday morning, since we kind of got asked not to return to the regular class until we can be a part of the group. He really likes going. I think that my husband and I will alternate attending with him, as it's not the most fun I have ever had. We won't be able to go this weekend, since we have a foster parent training (if you're reading this and know us and would be interested in babysitting -- let me know; we're still stuck there).
Anyway, things are back to "normal" and we will continue to work with him on whatever we can in hopes that we will be able to impact his development as much as possible for the time we have him. So that's that!
Saturday, September 09, 2006
TICK TOCK
I got a call from the caseworker on Friday night. Our first hearing is next Friday (the 15th). And it looks like there is going to be trouble. A family member has indicated that they would like custody of the Little Guy. Now, sometimes this is a good thing. But I don't think it's the case in this situation.
So I will fight -- tooth and nail -- to have him stay here. Last night I was VERY upset about the whole thing. There's not much we can do. It's all up to the judge. We can present our side of the story, and show the successes he has made. We can show why living with this family member would not be in his best interest (they have another child there with significant needs, and have needs of their own). But inevitably, it all comes down to the judge's decision.
Today has been a little better. I am bracing for whatever might happen. I've been through this kind of thing before. It's the name of the game. But it's never fun. At this point, I'm not fighting for myself as much as I'm fighting for him. After all, if he leaves, life will return to a less chaotic state here. I will have more time with my husband and daughter. I can work more and go out with less planning. But that's not the option I'd prefer. I'd prefer to have my life the more chaotic and stressful with him in it, knowing that we are doing the most that can be done.
In the meantime, I am furious with a system that makes it possible for one little piece of DNA to mean more than effort. I am upset that these family members weren't interested five months ago, but now that it looks like the Little Guy may not come back, they're feeling a sense of "responsibility" to step up to the plate, even if it's not in his best interest.
Now, if I were this family member, I'd want to know that I had tried, too. I would feel guilty if I didn't. Similarly, if I don't fight this fight as hard as I can now, I will surely have regrets.
So this will be a busy week. Monday is the Little Guy's first day back at preschool. I also have his monthly review, which should be especially interesting this time around as we prepare for court. The person who is supposed to represent his best interests should be there. Funny, he's never met the Little Guy. How is he going to know what is in his best interests? Monday is also the first day of gymnastics AND Betty's first JV game for cheerleading. Tuesday I have two appointments and work. Wednesday is mild -- just a morning meeting and delivering the fundraiser hoagies. Thursday I start my Bible Study (Beth Moore -- yay!), Betty has another game, and I work. It's also the first night of Survivor. Yay again! Then we have court on Friday.
One foot in front of the other....
So I will fight -- tooth and nail -- to have him stay here. Last night I was VERY upset about the whole thing. There's not much we can do. It's all up to the judge. We can present our side of the story, and show the successes he has made. We can show why living with this family member would not be in his best interest (they have another child there with significant needs, and have needs of their own). But inevitably, it all comes down to the judge's decision.
Today has been a little better. I am bracing for whatever might happen. I've been through this kind of thing before. It's the name of the game. But it's never fun. At this point, I'm not fighting for myself as much as I'm fighting for him. After all, if he leaves, life will return to a less chaotic state here. I will have more time with my husband and daughter. I can work more and go out with less planning. But that's not the option I'd prefer. I'd prefer to have my life the more chaotic and stressful with him in it, knowing that we are doing the most that can be done.
In the meantime, I am furious with a system that makes it possible for one little piece of DNA to mean more than effort. I am upset that these family members weren't interested five months ago, but now that it looks like the Little Guy may not come back, they're feeling a sense of "responsibility" to step up to the plate, even if it's not in his best interest.
Now, if I were this family member, I'd want to know that I had tried, too. I would feel guilty if I didn't. Similarly, if I don't fight this fight as hard as I can now, I will surely have regrets.
So this will be a busy week. Monday is the Little Guy's first day back at preschool. I also have his monthly review, which should be especially interesting this time around as we prepare for court. The person who is supposed to represent his best interests should be there. Funny, he's never met the Little Guy. How is he going to know what is in his best interests? Monday is also the first day of gymnastics AND Betty's first JV game for cheerleading. Tuesday I have two appointments and work. Wednesday is mild -- just a morning meeting and delivering the fundraiser hoagies. Thursday I start my Bible Study (Beth Moore -- yay!), Betty has another game, and I work. It's also the first night of Survivor. Yay again! Then we have court on Friday.
One foot in front of the other....
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