Monday, February 06, 2006


Well, we got a call from my OB-GYN this morning, and our prayers have been answered. I really wanted a definitive answer from God about what we should do as far as creating our family. Should we pursue infertility treatments? The answer has come back as a very clear "NO". The latest test reveals that we have no chance of getting pregnant. None. Zilch. Nada.

My reaction? Initially, no big deal. We've kind of thought that we might never have kids. I've already dealt with this in the past. But then when they "found" something wrong with me and thought they'd fixed it, I had that hope again. But now--we're back to square one, in a sense.

So, I'm mourning the loss of the fact that we may never have an infant. I'm mourning the loss of the fact that our children won't have our features. But I praise God that He has a perfect plan for our family, and has been preparing us for many years to be at this place. I praise God that HE is in control. I trust Him completely. It still hurts, don't get me wrong. It hurts really badly. But I know that God is FOR us. And I am humbled by the fact that He entrusts us with this important task of foster parenting. I look forward to welcoming more children into our home. Another blessing has been that Eric expressed that maybe he'll be more open to the foster kids now that he knows these are the only kids we'll have (I think before he saw them as "fillers" until we had our own). There is much to be thankful for.

Now, I just need to get through the next two months, when at least ten people I know are having babies. YIKES.