THE BIG DAY

Well, yesterday was our big day. We got to adopt Cameron! His hearing was at 8:30 a.m. We went into the judge's chambers with ten of our family members and friends. Cameron got to sit on the judge's lap as he signed the order. It was short, sweet, and anti-climatic. We went out to breakfast, got a lot of present giving out of the way, went to my school (where the kids threw me a mini surprise party) and then we went to an indoor play area for a couple hours. We had a pizza lunch there and then went home and rested for awhile before our small group came over for some cake and Guitar Hero. It was a great day. And now we're on to the rest of our lives. We are still in the foster parenting "business" and are once again "expecting" -- who knows when! I'll keep you posted if/when anything is worth reporting.

(Cameron's shirt says: "I'm a Keeper". We took this picture over the summer, and I've kept it to post today.

Another Adoption

The little guy and I went over to his friend's house yesterday. They go to the same school and are both foster kids through the same agency. They both are hyper-spazz, so I don't feel like I have to worry as much about "what the parents must think". They get it.

Anyway, we found out that their adoption will be the same day as ours. In fact, his is right after us! That was super cool. This family lives five minutes from our house. So we have lots of good reasons to be friends. Unfortunately, they will go to different elementary schools. But for now, they're great buddies. This is the first "friend" we've had on a regular and consistent basis. And so it begins!

Tomorrow we are having a couple over that just completed foster parent training. I have been assigned as their mentor, and I am really excited to have them over for dinner. They seem like terrific people. They started out just interested in adopting through foster care, but through the course of the trainings they have decided that they are going to give foster parenting a shot. I can't wait to support them through this and hear of their experiences. Being a mentor allows me to meet a lot of really neat people and be involved with foster parenting in a more significant way than "just" being a parent to one kid at a time.

As for us, I'm not sure what the future holds. We'll leave that in Lisa's very capable placement hands!

A DATE HAS BEEN SET!

December 12th
8:30 a.m.
Adoption Hearing

I requested an afternoon (I work in the mornings), but hey! What can you do? Now I have to figure out if I need to get a substitute teacher....

Tonight I'm battling such anger at the fact that this little guy is STILL not asking to go to the bathroom. I guess maybe I'm not as patient as I'm "supposed" to be. But for crying out loud! He's five and a half! And I don't have the strength not to yell and get upset when he pees his pants and then shows absolutely no recognition that he's even wet.

It would be really great if we were past this. It would be really great if I could keep my cool when he does this. I know that all the toilet training philosophies say to take this all in stride. But they say that as if it's the easiest thing in the world. Yeah, right! It's the most difficult thing I've EVER done. And quite frankly it has made me believe that I do not want to EVER EVER EVER have another child in my house that has to go through potty training (this would include a baby, which I always thought I wanted).

Hopefully, tomorrow is better.

TERMINATED

In August, we finally got the news back from the court that the parents' rights were terminated. They then had thirty days to appeal, but they did not. So now we move along with the adoption. Yay! It looks like they're going to set the court date for December before Christmas.

So now we have one last visit with each parent - but the caseworker is not having any luck contacting either of them. So, who knows?

Ran into the maternal grandmother in Wal-Mart yesterday. That was...interesting. I think she scared the be-junkers out of the little guy. She asked him for hugs and kisses, and he clearly didn't remember her. He kept saying goodbye and then asked me to hold him. I tried my best to graciously walk away. It was not easy.

I was about to say, okay we're done. We've fostered enough. I'm fine with our family the way it is. But I had applied to be a "mentor" and I got accepted. I take it this is God's way of letting me know He's not quite finished with our work in this area quite yet. Bring it on, then. I do hope we can just do some respites here and there. I'm not really ready to take another full-time kid.

Betty has been having some difficulty with this adoption. She feels like an outsider. So we're working through that. We have a pretty awesome lady that is helping us sort through some of these issues. And Betty just got a boyfriend, so things are looking up for her. Her attitude is typically better when she has a guy involved.

Kids! Got to love 'em!

UPDATE

Well, we had one visit last Thursday. It only lasted 40 minutes, and was doubly supervised. I alsio sent snacks since that seems to be a "good behavior" time. We had the TPR hearing on Tuesday. The hearing itself lasted about 40 minutes, as much of the meat of the material was offered as evidence in written form. Each lawyer has been asked to submit a list of facts to the judge within thirty days. The judge will then make a decision shortly thereafter. One parent, on paper, doesn't look as bad as I believe they should. But both parents have sat before this judge before, so he knows some of the bacground and can read between the lines of the carefully phrased questions.

As time went by yesterday, I felt less disturbed than I had walking out of the courtroom. It's clear this little boy will not move from our home. Now it's just a matter of what the status will be -- adoption or legal guardianship. I pray for adoption, as the one parent in particular has had a lot of trouble attending visits to date, and I can't imagine being court-ordered to make those happen.

In the meantime, Betty is ticked off because we won't let her go on a field trip for the ESL class on Friday. I'm not sure how she got invited. But given that it leaves at 4 a.m., gets home at midnight, costs $40 and takes her away from a day of school (when she's missed a couple hours here and there lately for appointments), not to mention the fact that she got a mid-term report that was less than stellar, we're keeping her home. This also is her last chance to visit her bio. Mom this month, which she needs to do. So she hates me and wishes she were with older parents. Sigh. Teenagers!

A BIG MONTH

Well, it looks like we may be nearing the starting line with the adoption process. Both biological parents have expressed their concern about the process, but have also made comments that make it seem that they are resigned to the upcoming events. We shall see.

We have two visits scheduled for Thursday - one with each parent. That could be a very tricky day, indeed. Between visits the mobile therapist comes. Is that good timing or what? Neither parent has seen C in awhile -- for one it's been one month, for the other it's been five. So I can gues that this will shake up the little guy's world, which has become pretty stable over the past month or so. Sigh.

Next week is the TPR hearing. It's scheduled to last two hours. I'm crossing my fingers that there will be no bumps along the way. I will be happy when this step is behind us. But it's just the beginning. Then we start the paperwork! That should be fun, too!

Meanwhile, I'm getting the itch. I can hardly believe it myself, but I'm thinking it might be nice to have another kiddo for C to play with and interact with. Betty is just too much older than him. She is basically off in her little corner of the world, as she is preparing to finish up high school in the next couple of years. She still is around a lot, and things are still going well, overall. But she's just getting increasingly independent. My husband thinks I'm crazy. And he should know that that's certainly true. But we do have the space (in our home, schedules, and hearts), and we're getting a lot more used to this whole thing. So ... it likely won't be long. He says we'll wait til Betty graduates. We'll see... All I know is that for now, we are NOT looking to get a baby. Nope. I'm past that point for right now. The thought of late nights, diapers, puke, etc. just isn't as glamorous and wonderful sounding as it once was. Give me a first grader that has an attitude any day!

To be continued...as always....our family is just one part of the canvas that God is creating in our lives!

Court / Legal Updates

Our last court date was on March 7th. They discontinued the goal of reunification, which is a step in the right direction. He continues to have visitation available with his biological parents, though it does not always occur. They then petitioned for the next court date, which will be to terminate parental rights and change the goal to adoption. I just found out on Monday that the date for that hearing will be on May 15th. It is scheduled to last two hours. They had originally said it would be an all-day thing and might therefore take six months to schedule. So this is good news. The biological parents have thirty days after the decision is made (which may or may not be the same day as the court date) to appeal to a higher court.

Anyway, things are underway and heading in the right direction. Meanwhile, the little guy turned five on Monday and is doing great. I was gone for four days, and when I got back I could have sworn he grew two inches and was speaking so much better than when I left (this wasn't true, of course, but it seemed that way). His new phrase today was "That not fair" as we were going home from work. He wanted to stay! He likes going to work with me and it's become a special treat, since most of the time my husband is home to watch him on those nights now.

Thanks for reading!

LOVE IS IN THE AIR

It's Wednesday afternoon, and I am sitting at the computer. After spending the day substituting, I had a few things I wanted to get done before dinner and Life Group. It seemed like C was interrupting every two minutes. "Mama, what you doin?", "Mama, what's that?", "Mama, can I have a snack, please?" "Mama, I sing song?" It was driving me nuts.

I had tried to explain to C that I was trying to get some things done on the computer. I tried to be patient and calm. Sometimes, he responded "O-kay" with a resigned tone and went back to playing. Not this time.

"Can I sit on your lap, please?" Looking at his innocent blue eyes, I sighed. Not much is accomplished with a four-year old on your lap. But, he had been at preschool all day, and I wouldn't be spending much time with him in the evening because of Life Group. "Divine interruptions" I reminded myself as I scooped him up. Not long thereafter--and completely unprompted, C said, "Mama, I love you." I had waited for this moment. I had wondered if he would ever say this on his own. At one point, I even wondered if he would be able to feel love and recognize it.

"I love you, too, baby. I love you, too." I don't know of a better interruption than that.

CUSTODY

So, this should be a big week for progress on the issue of the Little Guy's custody. First off, I ran into the biological relative interested in pursuing custody of him, and it sounds like they may be willing to drop the custody thing as long as they continue to have a part in his life (which I've never had a problem with). So far, however, they have not called the caseworker.

Tomorrow the caseworkers and reunification workers are meeting with the psychologist to discuss the results of the developmental assessment. This will give them a direction to head if the relatives maintain that they are interested in custody. So...we'll see what comes of all of this.

We survived Betty's 16th birthday. She had her boyfriend over on Friday and we all went out to dinner. On Saturday, she had one friend over and they had pizza and watched a movie. Betty honestly thought she was going to get her permit on Friday and be driving around town on Sunday. NOPE. My husband wants her to at least have an interview before she can take her permit test. And Betty has been struggling with finishing her application. The other day she said it was "too hard" and that she'd just never get a job or a license. Fine by me (on the license part, anyway). She may just be looking for an out, now that the time is really here that she COULD drive. But I do think she needs to get her permit for her in-car time at driver's ed. Who knows? She doesn't share those "inconsequential" details with me these days.